Up@dawn 2.0

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Hatred of Silence

I'm writing my personal essay on some of September 20th's discussion questions...
The first question that gained my interest was "Do you enjoy solitude and alone-time? Or do you hate being by yourself?" I think a couple years ago I would've answered completely differently. I used to be super shy and introverted and enjoyed alone-time immensely. Every day after school I couldn't wait to be alone and hide in my room. It's nothing personal, I just saw it as a way to "recharge myself". However, as I've grown (very little, I may add), I've noticed I've gone the complete opposite way. I now have a strange fear of being alone, and not just in the sense of being "forever alone". I rarely go places by myself, and am in constant contact with something whether it be in groups, hanging out, or on social media. I'm not exactly sure what made the change. I believe my constant belief of fearing people often got in the way of truly connecting with people when I was younger, and now I don't go a day with out it. 
This leads me to the second questions, "do you enjoy silence, or must you fill every moment with chatter, music, background noise, etc.? Do you ever try to just be, wordlessly, without internal narration or commentary?" which, in short, is a complete no. I hate silence, and see myself constantly babbling in order some sort of gap in conversations. However, it goes into more than just "word vomiting" as I like to call it. Every moment of my day is spent either watching YouTube, Netflix, or listening to music. When I get ready in the mornings, I have to have something talking. When i'm driving I have to have music, no matter how small the distance. When I go to sleep I have to watch T.V. or YouTube or I find myself not able to sleep at all. 
I never truly realized how dependent I was on noise until today. I definitely will try "silence" again sometime. 

1 comment:

  1. Something that might be good for you as a step to getting towards silence is being alone with some sort of soft music, something to where there is still noise, but it is slight and peaceful. I find that since i have done that a lot, when im in silence i still hear the music in my head. It still brings me peace even though it is not really there.