Thursday, September 15, 2016
Am I Alive? (H01)
When I was younger I was obsessed with the idea of insanity. I very often found my thoughts wandering to my fascination with questions like, “Is Blue blue?” or most often, “Am I crazy?” It should be noted, that I was quite young, and so most of these questions weren’t even being touched on in school yet, so I didn’t really have any influences in coming to my conclusions. I do remember a quote from the play Proof during a conversation in Catherine’s head while she’s speaking with her dead father, who was insane:
Robert: You're gonna be okay.
Catherine: I am?
Robert: Yes. I promise you. The simple fact that we can talk about this together is a good sign.
Catherine: A good sign?
Catherine: How could it be a good sign?
Robert: Because crazy people don't sit around wondering if they're nuts.
Catherine: They don't?
Robert: No. They've got better things to do. Take it from me. A very good sign that you're crazy is an inability to ask the question, "Am I crazy?"
Catherine: Even if the answer is yes?
Robert: Crazy people don't ask, you see?
I saw this play at 7 and although I’m not convinced I agree with him, it’s a quote that’s been rattling around in my head for more than half my life. I would lie awake at night considering it: “Am I insane? Is all of this just part of my imagination? Does the fact that I can consider it make me sane? Does the fact that I can convince myself that I’m sane negate my proof?” I was 11 when I first learned the word paradox, and was able to place my current problem into word I could actually explain. I had already, already started to from my view on things. Namely, that it doesn’t actually matter. To better explain, we must believe in something, and so it is logical to believe in ourselves before all else. We live in the world of our own perception, so we need to trust that perception.
I’m going to finish this summary with a second quote, this one from the movie Second Hand Lions:
Hub: Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love... true love never dies. You remember that, boy. You remember that. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in.