Dogs and Grief...but with good news and a happy ending

In my last post, I discussed how experiencing the loss of a pet, more specifically a dog because that's where my expertise lies, helps us later deal with the loss of a humanoid loved one. Which is extremely ironic because I've been to hell and back this week to something very similar, and I'm going to be discussing what I've personally learned from it. That being said, I will be lacking sources, but it's for a good cause.

This week has been a week from hell for me. On top of it being finals week, I got the phone call that I had been scared of since I started my job. This was the phone call that told me they had decided to put down my most favorite dog. The dog I've spend 8 months rehabilitating all on my own despite never once being told to. The dog that has inspired this dog theme I have going on right now.

When I met Zero, I about died at how gorgeous he was, but he quickly showed me that he was far more that gorgeous -- he was also an ass. Therefore I, being the person that I am, immediately began teasing him on his name. It was all out of love and jokes of course, but whenever he got mad I would say things like "Aww, are you just upset cause they named you Zero?" and general other things. Fast forward to maybe a month into my job, and no one's working with this dog and I couldn't grasp why. I get it now that I've been employed for so long, but here was this dog, who needed some love and attention, and yet no one was willing to give it. That's where stupid me wanted to do some good at this place, and I stepped up and took on the role of a lifetime.

Long story short, me and Zero became super bonded during this time. I spent any free time I had helping him, loving him, sitting with him, and working on his aggression until it stopped. And it stopped -- for me at least. For everyone else, it made it much more manageable. Apparently, my job decided it wasn't manageable enough and decided that he should be put down. Once again I, being the person I am, opened my big mouth and told them that I wasn't going to let that happen and that I would bring my dog home with me.

For the past four days, I've sat in utter turmoil over whether or not my souldog would live until the next day. For the past four days, I've been in a near constant anxiety attack ready for a crying fit because I wasn't sure whether or not I could make this happen. I still don't know. But boy, this grief has been hitting me hard. Just the thought of Zero not being in my life throws me for a loop, but the fact that they wanted to straight up kill him? No, I can't even imagine.

What has this done for me, though? How is this relevant? This grief was different from what I originally wanted to discuss. However, what this showed me is that I'm stronger than I know. In the past four days my family and I have managed to catch up our dog's vaccinations, create a plan for bringing in a new dog with issues, and set up an appointment with a behaviorist. Meanwhile, I've managed to still stay up to date and ready to go with what schoolwork I've had left, go to work like everything is normal and still kick ass at my job, and still make time for a social life. What this has taught me is exactly what grief can teach anybody. Life doesn't stop. You take what you want, what you don't want, and what you need out of every situation you are placed under. And you are meant to outlive it because life keeps going even when it feels like it shouldn't.

Today, I got the phone call that said I'm going to be allowed to take Zero home with me. It's going to be an uphill battle, but I got to keep my dog. My grief is over for the moment, and if you're grieving, I hope yours will be over soon too.

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