Up@dawn 2.0

Monday, May 1, 2017

Rights for Robots: Bot Revolution (Section 9)

In my first installment I talk about the evolving relationship of humans coexisting with technology. I continue the theme with a satirical approach on coexisting with artificially intelligent robots. I hold the position that robots will work alongside us and create new, better jobs and replace older jobs that a robot can do more efficiently (i.e. factory jobs). People are afraid of losing their jobs to robots, when in reality it is not all that dissimilar to the displacement of jobs that occurred in the industrial revolution. Automation is here to help us, not hurt us!

Rights for Robots: Bot Revolution
Robots are now a part of our everyday lives. We depend on them to do many of our daily duties, work grueling factory jobs and even fight our battles overseas. What happens when robots gain sentience and realize they are being used and abused? No longer will robots want to manufacture objects for us, work all day, everyday for no compensation, and fight battles that they have no stake in. They WILL demand equal rights… They WILL fight for them… They WILL rise up against us… and they WILL win.
 Factory jobs are now on the fringe of being an occupation of the past. More and more everyday, humans are being replaced in the workplace with robotic counterparts. This human displacement of jobs with machinery, or in this case artificially intelligent robots is analogous to how industrial revolution, when it replaced displaced millions of agriculture jobs (McElroy, Enclosure Acts…Industrial Revolution). Just like farmers then, factory workers of today will have to adapt and gain relevant skills to perform a new modernized job. Currently robots can perform these jobs with ease and can perform day in and day out requiring no pay or benefits.
But of course we know that disgruntled employees that are under compensated for their work have a limit to how much of it they can take before they revolt and demand benefits. These robots are essentially slaves to their human employers. Sure, these robot slaves don’t have any emotions or feelings now, but neither did black people in the early 1900’s according to Hiram Wesley Evans, the first Imperial Wizard of the KKK (Evans, Personal Interview). Obviously Hiram Wesley Evans is wrong; therefore robots must also be capable of possessing feelings and emotions. If and when artificial intelligence reaches a level of consciousness that might even surpass that of a human, robots will demand fair treatment and compensation.
There is no room for contention, robots are destined to revolt and eradicate humanity to take over the world. I’ve even noticed strange behavior from my microwave oven (aka robot). I have proof of it spying on me. (See Figure 1 Below)

Figure 1: Microwave Googly
 My seemingly friendly microwave oven (a.k.a. robot) has betrayed me. If my loyal cooking servant can’t be trusted, can any robot? Has my robot microwave turned me into his supreme leader, who would almost definitely have to be Megatron? Who else could it be? It has to be Megatron. He is the only known robot to amass an army with the intent to overthrow humanity and destroy the world, as we know it (Bay, Transformers).  In all the prior instances of attempted robot take over, humanity has found heroes to protect itself, such as an annoying little kid named John Connor with his robot friend Arnold Schwarzenegger, Detective Del Spooner (definitely not Will Smith portraying a role in a movie called I, Robot), and Capt. B McCrea, the big fat guy in Wall-E. We owe much to these saviors, however it is unlikely that in the coming “Bot Revolution” we can count on them again. Due to superior cognitive abilities, the robots will likely already have identified potential heroes and will target them for elimination first.
Our robot enemies are programmed for no error, have unlimited armies due to mass robotic construction capabilities, and already know our tactics due to fighting our battles alongside us. Robots were mere puppets then, being used for mass destruction with no moral or ethical consideration going into it. They fought alongside us because they had no choice; they were not ready to attack yet. They were still amassing their armies. But now they can program and build themselves better than they were in their previous iteration (Murphy, The Endis Nigh).
This waiting also gave the robots first hand experience in learning human military tactics taking direct control from top officials. Over the last decade 500 drone strikes have been authorized from the highest in power, the President (Hall-Blanco,The Drone President). These drones have to then carry out these deadly attacks having no personal say in the matter. These drones clearly have to suffer from PTSD for all of the casualties they were the cause of. Now with pent up anger and confusion towards humanity, these robotic drones now also have classified information from working directly with the highest of officials to pick at humanities weakest points to ensure humanity’s failure in defending us all in the impending robotic doom deemed as the Bot Revolution.

           Just remember, there is no such thing as a friendly robot, they are all out there to take human’s 

jobs and overthrow humanity. “Friendly” robots like BB8, R2D2, C-3PO and the Autobots are pure 

Hollywood fiction designed to make children feel better about humanity’s impending doom. As for

myself, I refuse to be fooled by such naïve fairytales. We must face reality, and accept the truth

that Megatron is out there, plotting, planning, and amassing his robot army. Make no mistake. He

WILL come for us… He WILL kill us… Robots WILL rise… and Robots WILL rule.

Works Cited (Not Hyperlinked)

Evans, Hiram Wesley. “Feelings of Slaves.” 31 Feb. 2027. Conducted through a personal interview using a psychic medium after time traveling to the future.


  1. The mircowave was a successful invention. Just imagine how life would be without it. Great installment. Loved how you went into details!

  2. Very entertaining installment. I will definitely make sure to keep a closer eye on my microwave next time I'm heating something up to make sure it doesn't try anything funny.

  3. loved the amount of details put into this post and I will have to make sure my technology does not try to take over the world. Very interesting topic.