(No we are not talking about the TV show Friends, even though it is a great show!)
In our discussion today, we talked about friends and the podcast of Alexander Nehamas talking about friends. First, we discussed how the people who we choose to be our friends might come from being influenced by our parents. Therefore, we have a sense of what is right and wrong by the way we have been raised. Then, we moved onto a major topic of "What makes you choose your friends?
One floater (Matthew Pyles) said that part of friendship, especially in the group we are in, it is part of social construct. This is because we are living with each other and it is better to be friends with everyone that to create drama. Another way we looked at this question was common interests. Someone does not want to be friends with someone if they do not share a single common interest that he or she has. Also, moral values are a big key. Some people look to be friends that have high values and beliefs while others may like to be around people who have small or no moral values at all. Then, Keaton Davis made a good point that we do not have to share the same morals and values with a friend of ours, but it is important to be able to influence them.
In addition, Matthew asked if I personally change my interests and values in order to be friends with someone. I responded with no. I like who I am, and I will not change who I am to be someone else's friend. I believe that people should be who they are instead of someone they are not.
Then we brought to the table the conversation of "What happens when your friends change?" We talked about how we would distance ourselves from those friends. We do not want to be conflicting with those people because they may have matured faster or changed for the best. It is not a bad thing. That is a process that we all go through. People do change, which is very natural. Also, as Erin Paul stated, "If we lose our friends, we are able to find new friends to be with."
DQ: How do you approach someone to resolve differences? Is this an easy thing to do? Why or why not?
FQ: Q: A __________________, by Kwame Anthony Appiah's definition, is someone who recognizes that people across societies have much in common, while also being tolerant of their differences.
A: Cosmopolitan
Link: http://www.markvernon.com/friendshiponline/quizomatic76/test.htm
This is a friendship quiz I found, and it also has Philosophy in the quiz! Take if you want!
Nice summary Evan!
ReplyDeleteI think today’s discussion was a good one. We agreed with many of the things he said like, “Friends are critical to the person we become.” However, one thing we didn’t agree with was when Nehemas said that the similarities between arts and friendship is that we choose it according to our differences. The way he wrote it seemed as if we seek out our friends SPECIFICALLY for the differences between us. Which we all agreed was untrue.
The other important discussion we had was why we make the friends we do. When meeting people we gravitate towards those who have similarities with us. We aren’t able to be as free with people we don’t share the same ideas, and beliefs- People who are able to be closer.
DQ: This is a point Keaton brought up (sorry bud, I’m giving you credit though for this wonderful thought provoking question!:) What kind of influence do YOU have on others?
FQ: Friends are critical in the forming of an individual? True or False
Answer: True
Great answers for the question "What happens when your friends change?" But in addition when your friends change that mean there something you have done to hurt them or they decided to distance them selves because they do not want you in their life anymore or they got tired of your friend and maybe they wanted new people in their life. But either way people change for a reason and the reason could be anything. Great job on your summary though i enjoyed reading it! FQ: How do you know someone is your friend?
ReplyDeleteI think you can be friends with someone who is completely different than you. It’s a good thing. You get to experience something new. It does not mean that you have to change what you think: you’re just being open to someone else’s lifestyle. And if you do change because a friend has influenced you, you would personally think that change is for the better. Would you not? It might make you better, not worse. What you viewed as “bad” before actually might not be because you know more about it now and opened yourself up to it.
ReplyDeleteI also think that when someone does change and you do not, you can still remain friends. You just have to accept that change rather than be completely bothered by it. The relationship does not have to change, but certain aspects of it might. Part of the reason why some friendships end when people change is because it is easier that way. People are so afraid of change and being pushed out of their comfort zone. You have to actually make an effort to stay friends, which can be difficult. Change and differences are a good thing. Sometimes though, it is better that the friendship ends. A lot of it is circumstantial and depends very much on the situation.
I agree with you that friendships are not easy to maintain. Like any relationship, friendship requires sacrifice and emotional stamina. We will never find someone who is exactly the same as us, so no Line of Similarity can be drawn to accept some people into and deny others from a friendship. We like whom we like, and we don't like whom we don't like. If we like someone now but then find that we don't really like him later, then we end that friendship, and vice versa. Maybe there is a kind of friendship gradient, with best friends on a higher level than close friends, and so on. They slide up and down depending on the amount of time you spend with them or your emotional state after several meetings with them. I realize it would be terrible to actually have a Friend Ratings board on your wall detailing the status of your friends, but I think we all subconsciously place our friends in different levels of "closeness." I think it is extremely important to develop healthy friendships, but I also believe there are some that just need to end. Realizing when to end a friendship and when to salvage it takes discernment and deliberation. Like you said, Larissa, it is a case-by-case situation.
DeleteDQ: Should we try to eradicate this subconscious Friend Gradient or is it beneficial? Does it even exist in everyone?
FQ: According to Alexander Nehamas, the values of friendship depend on our _______ while the values of morals depend on our _______.
FA: differences, commonalities
I really liked our discussion on friends. A lot of these discussions are really making me think deeper into topics that seem so common and minute at first. But the idea that your friends influence you and ultimately shape you into the person you will become is very true. And then the other way around - you are making significant impacts on the lives of your friends as well. It really makes you take some time to think about what kind of friend you are to people and in what way you are influencing others.
ReplyDeleteWe talked about choosing our friends. Although a lot of times it seems we have no control over who our friends are because of where we live and who we come in contact with on an everyday basis, we ultimately have the ability to say who is our friend and who isn't. All of us just by going to MTSU are surrounded by so many people. So we can pick from those people who we want to spend our time with and who's influence we would like to play a role in shaping our future. We get to decide who we let become our closest friends, which are the ones who impact us the most. It's definitely something to think about. I think it is good to have many friends and to love others, but I am also very careful with who I'm spending the majority of my time with and how that is affecting me and the way I act.
DQ: Would you consider yourself to have a cosmopolitan attitude?
FQ: According to Kwame Anthony Appiah, what is the most effective way of resolving differences?
Conversation/Dialogue