This article is all about friendships. How we obtain them, what defines them, and how they define us. I continued to be extremely confused by the ideas that Nehamas had, so this summary will be fairly short, and I invite anyone and everyone to assist in explaining.
I do know there are a few key concepts to Nehamas's ideas about friendship.
1. You cannot obtain a true friendship in a day
2. Hence, it is essential that friendships develop over time
3. To the best of my knowledge and Dr. Oliver's explanation, friendships are about agreeing or disagreeing with a person, and sticking with them, embracing their individuality apart from you.
Our group talked about what it means to be an individual, and if any of us are truly individual based on the fact that we are who we are based on socially learning from those around us. Friendships play a large role in who we are or who we decide to be. Nehamas notes that friendships fall apart not only because one person may not like what the other DID, but more of how it made themselves into something they weren't happy with.
We also touched on the idea that we may not be the ones who truly choose our friends, but our parents, location, and circumstances may narrow the range of people we interact with and from THAT we choose who we will be friends with or not.
Feedback and guidance is highly appreciated with this one guys!
FQ: True or False -Nehamas believes that friendships can be immediate and do not need to develop over time.
A: I know the answer, but do YOU!? Answer in the comment section below!
GROUPMATES: Lauren, Matt M. Monique, Dillon, Nellie, Stephany, Beth
Did I miss anybody? We have a fairly large group!
I think you did a great job picking out the most important points that Nehamas made. It truly does take a while before you can make those true-friend relationships. I agree with the point that you made where you do have to find the commonalities between each other to be able to work a friendship out. However, you do not have to have your commonalities match perfectly with someone else's commonalities . One part of friendships that is really nice is that you can influence each other to be better people and have better moral values. By working together, two people (or more) can make a friendship last a life time.
ReplyDeleteNow on to the part of changing friends. It is okay if someone you have been friends with decides it is time to move on to different friends. Maybe things did not work out or maybe he or she changed into a person that you did not like. This is totally okay. This gives you the opportunity to create new and better friends that you want to be around. Also, you can maintain your moral values and your individuality.
The most important thing to me to know about from this lesson is that friends are important. You need friends that you can go to if you ever need any assistance in your life. Also, I believe friends are a great part of your life, and I believe that friends will make you happier in your lifetime. You will never know when you might go, but you need to make the most of it!
Evan Lester
DeleteSection H1
What was your groups view on the statement Nehamas made about friendship and art being similar because we seek what is different from us?
ReplyDeleteOur group (we had the same topic- go group 4!), thought this was absolutely incorrect. Although we keep friends who are different to broaden our horizons, we seek out the companionship of those who are most like ourselves.
Just my 2 cents!
Yusra Mohammed
H01
I agree here. I am in this group, and we did discuss briefly the idea of becoming friends with those who are different. I think we all kind of agreed that while it is common to have friends who are different culturally or ideologically, the closest friends are usually those with whom you share a background, culture, religion, political viewpoint, etc.
DeleteGreat discussion topic and great explanation.I agree with Nehamas ideas about friendship.
ReplyDeleteI liked the post Megan and as a floater I think I can connect some dots and put an answer to your FQ. In G1 they talked about Stoicism. I think without emotions we can never have friends. Life would be boring and they even talked a little about Pryhho. Forgive me if I am spelling it wrong. I connected Stoicism with friends like how Equilibrium which I brought up in the discussion, was a great example. Christian Bale's character had a good work friend when he followed protocol and smashed out all emotions. When it came time, he choose to fight is friend because they had nothing in common with regards to emotion like he thought. In other words he lost his friend, but he was fine with it because his morals were more important. In G2 they were discussing Altimerzers and the loved ones who helped. I made this connection with Lord of the Rings, one of my favorite movies. I found a cute quote from the movie on Google. http://www.google.com/imgres?q=Lord+of+the+Rings+friendship+quotes&um=1&hl=en&tbo=d&qscrl=1&rlz=1T4RNRN_enUS412US420&biw=1440&bih=756&tbm=isch&tbnid=5QTQVLxD5TFtIM:&imgrefurl=http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6575101/lord-of-the-rings-dog&docid=ThutqUIw5idGpM&imgurl=http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/61/56/549973ff2bac7a6c44190c58c2783331.jpg&w=800&h=643&ei=A_QLUanyHIHe8AT7toGgCg&zoom=1&ved=1t:3588,r:42,s:0,i:215&iact=rc&dur=1594&sig=110560654911020366712&page=2&tbnh=178&tbnw=235&start=19&ndsp=24&tx=150&ty=101
ReplyDeleteI drew those together because when Frodo carried the ring, he slowly forgot who he was. He wanted the burden to be on him only, but Sam wasn't having that. Sam helped him, carried him and encouraged him about their friendship. It not only remained intact through their journey, but it grew stronger. Friendship isn't about who is better than you. There is no competition and as much as parents, circumstances and location might influence friends, I grew up choosing my bad and good friends. Ironically my bad ones stayed around longer than the one my mother approved of. I never became friends with my roommate when I lived up here so the location and circumstances never worked for me. I chose them on things we have in common and things I want to know more of. This leads me into G3 who talked about life being short and social media plus YOLO. I believe that life is short, so live it wisely. Be around people that make you better and happy, those are friends. In the case of YOLO some friends aren't on the same level as you and might take that phrase into reality, but those aren’t friends and as humans we need to have friends so what we need to do is pick out true friends. True friends are not only Facebook, those are just either hi-bye friends or associates. True friends are the ones you can get weird in front of. The ones where their problems are yours too. the one where ya have each other's back and interest, where ya arguments are there but you can't stay mad at them for long, and you learn to accept their flaws and love them for who they are. This is a 2-way street. I may have friends on FB, but most are just hi-bye friends. I have a few true ones and those are the ones you keep. Friends may leave and it may hurt, I know from the friend who my mother loved, but that is only open up the space in your life for a better friend. The answer to your question would be that he believe it took time so False for me. I also think on my last note, that time may be a factor but sometimes if you go through a lot in a short amount of time, you both will be better friends.
***Remember: "My friends, you bow to no one."-Boromir Lord of the Rings
In response to Yusra.. I don't necessarily think the Nehamas is saying we seek out the individuality in others and that is why we are friends with them, but more ... well let me put it into context with art. After not being able to sleep last night, the realization popped into my head that friendships can be like art, you just have to understand how to look at the parallels.
ReplyDeleteArtists may paint many different paintings, but usually an artist has his or her own style. After time, you can sometimes tell if a painting is done by a certain person because it has dimensions of another. And yet, it also has its own individuality, which makes it new and unique and for lack of a better term "its own". We appreciate the painting because it is done by the same artist as the other paintings, but we also appreciate it simply for what it is.
As with friendship, we make friends based on mutual likes, interests, beliefs, etc. So our types of friends tend to be our "style". Each friendship may have certain elements that are the same, and yet, each friendship is different (as with different paintings done by the same artist), because each person we are friends with is still their own individual with their own way of looking at life. We do not shun our friends because they are not clones of us. We may disagree with them at times, we may have fights, but true friendship stands the test of time, and we learn to appreciate our friends for who they are as an individual, as we would appreciate an individual painting by an artist. Because how boring would it be if the artist painted the exact same painting over and over and over, with no individuality or uniqueness?
Does that make sense?
Monique I love your reference to LOTR! I love Sam and Frodo's friendship. Its also like Harry Potter. He want to go his journey alone, but his friends will never truly leave him. They take turns wearing the ring around their neck so no one has to carry the burden alone. They have had the time to develop a sense of appreciation for each other (Harry for his bravery and selflessness, Hermione for her intelligence and quick knowledge, and Ron for his steadfast loyalty and commitment to the cause)and they know that without their own individuality, their friendship would not be what it is. Their individuality actually brings them closer together and makes them a better unit.
Okay, I am so ready to get back into class tomorrow. I have definitely been having some discussion withdrawals and I don't like missing this stuff! This is truly an awesome class. Since I was not able to discuss this topic with my group, I once again bounced ideas off of the people around me. My friend Daniel and I got into the discussions of how each friendship is different. Mine and Daniel's friendship is not the same as mine and my friend Taylor's. There are activities that Daniel and I enjoy that Taylor may not and vice versa. That does not mean that we all can't hang out and get along, but we understand each other's likes and dislikes. It is like having a good team put together. Everyone is aware of their strengths and weaknesses. I think the main distinction that we have to place on relationships with other people is how they affect us. That may sound a bit selfish, but hear me out. If you're "friends" with someone who always takes advantage of you and uses you for things, you wouldn't really consider them a friend, right? But there are many instances where we still associate with people like that for whatever reason until some event causes us to really evaluate how that relationship is impacting us, either positively or negatively. So I can agree with Nehamas that friendships take time to develop because you have to figure out if you can truly be comfortable with someone. It's a given that we are not going to be friends with every single person we ever meet, but do you ever think about what traits stand out to you in a friend?
ReplyDeleteFriendship is a thing I think most of us usually take for granted or never even really think about. Trying to really grasp what I felt about this discussion, I turned to the good ol' internet and found a blog where the author asked a similar question I had asked myself: what MAKES a friend? and can you really be FRIENDS with someone whose views differ greatly from your own? (this blog leans a bit too much towards the religious side for me but still made a good point: http://blog.americancatholic.org/2013/01/what-makes-a-friend/)
ReplyDeleteSo what if you and someone you believe to be a friend view, let's say...abortion COMPLETELY different and maybe religion too, then do you think you'll have an easy friendship with said person? Is friendship finding people who have very similar views as you and being able to agree on them? OR is friendship being friends with people who share different views with you and broaden your own views? I personally think it's a mix of both. Maybe you'll be closer to those you feel more comfortable with their views but it's healthy to keep an array of friends so that your global outlook isn't narrow and in one direction.
Just a rambling thought.....
Btw, the flu came back with a vengeance (I have an incredibly weak immune system and thought i was over it) but I promise to be healed by the next class!
DeleteI don't necessarily think that we befriend those who are like ourselves, but rather those who make us feel most like ourselves. And sometimes, a contrast between two people is just what they need in order to flourish, in the same way that we need darkness to appreciate light. In order to fully understand friendship we have to understand the love that underscores it, which often leads us to contradict our own beliefs just to uphold the relationships we aren't ready to let go of for the sake of morality.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that Stephany's comment brings up that we did not discuss in class is that the "friendship" dynamic can be different between different people. We've all had friends who we did certain things with or shared certain secrets with, and wouldn't even try to do or share those things with a different friend. Each relationship can be unique, but still in the "friendship" genre of relationship. Romantic relationships can have similar differences as well, and I think there is the same root cause at work: Each relationship is a combination of two personalities. Since no two people are exactly alike, it follows that no two relationships would be exactly alike, although for convenience's sake we categorize them as "friend" of "partner" or "lover" or whatever. Imagine if our lexicon for "friend" was like the famous Inuit panoply for "snow"?
ReplyDeleteI loved this discussion and thought it was a very relatable topic. You did a great job at summing up what was said and thought about in our group. Friendship is something that takes time and commitment. My favorite thing was the question about being an individual. What truly makes you an individual if you're constantly being influenced by everything and everyone around you? Very good topic. Can't wait till our next one!
ReplyDelete