Solitude

	CBS Sunday Morning  (@CBSSunday)
2/10/19, 8:20 AM Feeling lonely? You're not alone Nearly half of Americans say they sometimes or always feel alone, which can have health consequences: doctors say loneliness can lead to increased mortality equal to smoking 15 cigarettes a day cbsn.ws/2I4EIAIpic.twitter.com/5nsekBJi1o

...An avid musician, John Francis likes to let his banjo do the talking. And at one point, that was the ONLY talking he did. On his 27th birthday, he decided he had to do something really different – to not speak for an entire day. Just a day.

But that one day turned into two days, then a week, then a month. Ultimately, he did not say one word to another human being for 17 years.

That's right: At 27, Francis decided to stop talking, period. And he stuck with that decision until he was 44 years old. "There were about four times when by accident I did speak, when I bumped into someone at the grocery store, and I said, 'Excuse me,'" he told correspondent Susan Spencer.

He spent those quiet years hiking, camping, and making art. He says he really didn't miss conversation. It wasn't working for him anyway. "I would listen just enough to think I knew what someone was gonna say," Francis said. "And then I'd stop listening, which in effect cuts communication."

That feeling of being disconnected went hand-in-hand with something bigger: Loneliness. "I think I was lonely before I started this in the sense that I didn't want to be alone with myself. And that makes you lonely," he said.

But anyone who feels lonely is far from alone. According to a recent study, nearly half of Americans now say they sometimes or always feel alone, and one in five says they rarely or never feel close to anyone.

So, to be lonely, do you have to be alone?

"No," former Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy. "Because it's about the quality of your connections with people. It's not just how many friends you have.  It's about, do those friends know you authentically?" (continues)

...Francis started talking again in 1990. That part of his personal journey, he says, was over. "I climbed a mountain, and at this bottom of this mountain I was lonely. And on the way up, I found that, 'No, you're not lonely. You're just alone.' It just turned into solitude. And solitude was something that you craved, you wanted, you looked for."

Inspired by nature from early on, today at 72, Francis is an environmentalist, an author, and – remarkably – a compelling public speaker.

"Do you get lonely today?" Spencer asked.

"I got a wife and two kids. No, I don't think so!" he laughed.

It's the sort of happy ending that all the folks we met would like see more often.

Dr. Murthy said, "Our social connection is the foundation on which we build healthy and fulfilling lives."

Ruble said, "I would like people to start to notice how much they need actual connection. We need vitamins, we need vegetables, we need clean air, and we need connection."

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	Maria Popova (@brainpicker)
2/10/19, 9:02 AM “Solitude is not chosen, any more than destiny is chosen. Solitude comes to us if we have within us the magic stone that attracts destiny.” Hermann Hesse on solitude, the courage to be yourself, and how to find your destiny: brainpickings.org/2019/01/15/her… pic.twitter.com/Alf1W33R56