Ellisha Thomas
4/24/16
Section 4
Philosophy
Dr. P. Oliver
Certain aspects of love are often misunderstood or
forgotten. I’m not talking about the issues of love for inanimate things.
Loving your country or your motorcycle is fine, however, what bout the love
between humans. Specifically, on romantic love.
However, just so we’re on the same page, one of the best
quotes I’ve ever read answering that first question. From Jubal Harshaw in the
book Stranger in a Strange Land:
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another
person is essential to your own.
First, let’s acknowledge the fact that humans are a social
animal. Individually, our craving for interaction varies in strength. Some need
a lot of companionship, while others are happier with less. But in the end, we all
need a certain amount of time with others.
The most interesting aspect of this fact is that we will
find friends and love in almost every situation. Even if a racist or feminist
were to be stranded in a country surrounded by the exact people they dislike,
they would end up in a relationship and find the ability to justify it.
Love and the desire to be with others is something that
can’t be removed completely. However, there is an aspect of love that almost
everyone tries to suppress, even if they don’t realize it.
To explain better, let me move from romantic love, to family
love.
Let’s say you have some brothers/sisters. One day, along
comes your mom to say that she is pregnant again.
So the question is, with the addition of another sibling,
will you have to reduce the amount of affection for the others in order to have
any to spare for your new baby brother? No matter how many people enter your family
you will love them all (some less than others, but love them nonetheless).
With family, and almost everyone else, it is understood that
love or any emotion per say isn’t fixed in quantity. To suggest that anyone
could not love a sibling or family member due to some head count would be
hilarious. Even with friendship, we understand that meeting and gaining a new
friend does not reduce the feelings we have for our other friends in the
slightest. Frankly, we can even gain a new enemy without losing any of our hate
for those we already dislike.
And yet, in the realm of romantic love, the usual rule is
two people, one love. No more, no less.
This “ideal” is so ingrained in us, through stories and real
life, that peopl never even question it. And yet, falling in love with multiple
people happens much more often that anyone cares to admit. We are in love with
someone, and then meet someone else that we “click” with.
So what usually occurs when this happens? We are forced to
“choose which one we really love”. The very concept presupposes that we can’t
possibly have feelings for both of them. And yet, that’s exactly what did
occur. You found two people you care for.
If you or your mate ends up in this situation, I truly
believe the best response is to ask “Does your feelings for them affect your
feelings for me in any way at all?” If they can be truly honest with themselves
and you, the answer will easily illuminate the path ahead. Once this real situation can be acknowledged,
relationship problems can be fixed, because you can address the issue that
affects your relationships: Time.
When our love finds they care for others as well, it’s not
love and affection that we are in danger of losing, but TIME. If you love
multiple people, there is almost no way you can spend as much time with each
one them if you had only one lover. It is this reduction of enjoyable time
spent together that threatens most current relationships, not the loss of love
itself.
At this point, we need to make sure we understand a
completely different issue that appears similar on the surface. But what if the
issue is a reduction of feelings? What if, for some reason, your lover is
simply losing interest in you and by natural extension, finds someone else to
fill the void in their needs? Or perhaps it is you that finds a reduced
emotional tie. In order to best serve those you love, you must be honest about
the depth of your feelings, as well as the reality of the quantity of them.
For example, what if you still love your exes. I mean most
people usually keep in contact with some. Even if they’ve moved on with their
lives and have others to spend their time with. Anytime you hear that they are
happy, you somewhat feel joy. You truly are glad they live good lives, even if
it’s not with you. And that is love. It doesn’t affect how you feel about your
current mate one bit.
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